I’d like to speak to the manager

“The next applicant is a 27 year old woman”, said Gabe. 

“Death by COVID19?”, Asked God without looking up.

“Actually, this one isn’t dead.”

God jumped up with a start. “What do you mean this one isn’t dead?”

“I mean she’s alive”, said Gabe looking away from God and into the distance. 

“Got you the first time Gabe. What is a live human doing here?”

“She, umm, requisitioned a motion Sir.”

“What motion?”

“‘The can I speak to the manager?’ Motion.”

“I thought we repealed that.” Said God tossing aside a parchment into the fireplace. 

“We tabled it. We raised it. We harped over it. We blessed it. But we didn’t quite pass it.”

“Why not?” Asked God

“Motion sickness” said Gabe nervously.

God wasn’t sure if Gabe was joking but from the look on his face, God was forced to accept that he wasn’t. 

“Very well, send her in.”

Gabe nodded and went out. A few minutes later, there was a faint knock. 

God straightened his robe and smoothened his beard. He cleared his throat and said “thou shall come in but also leave soon.”

The woman entered and looked around the chamber. 

“Ahem”, said God motioning her to sit down.

“Thank you for seeing me.”

“This is very unusual. And I don’t normally entertain requests from the living.” 

“So I have been told. Makes the whole prayer business ironical, doesn’t it?”

“What brings you here?” Said God hastily.

“I wanted to speak to the manager. Are you the manager?”

“I am the creator.”

“But do you manage Earth?”

“Obviously”

“And you’re the highest authority around? There’s no bunch of bored Directors or pseudo Shared Holders?” 

“No, I’m the supreme leader and the highest authority.” 

“I see. So you’re in-charge?”

“Of course”

“Well you’re doing a terrible job of it” said the woman. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You heard me. Did you know we’re in the middle of a global Pandemic?”

“Of course I know. Have you seen the queues outside? But I refuse to take responsibility for the global pandemic.”

“But aren’t you the manager?”

“Yes, but I don’t choose your leaders.”

“They are doing a terrible job. Can’t you sack them?”

“You chose them. You sack them.” 

“But these terrible leaders are popular.”

“I know.”Said God, brushing off a feather from his right wing. 

“They win because of you.” 

“Not because of me. Because people believe them. Haven’t you heard, empty vessels make most noise on balconies.” 

The woman persisted. “They win votes in your name. They appease voters by saying they’ll uphold your doctrines. How can you not take responsibility for this?”

God remained silent. After a few painstaking minutes he said, “Your point is valid. But here’s the thing, I don’t vouch for these leaders. Most of them don’t even uphold my doctrines. Also there’s freedom of preach. So I can’t really stop them.” 

“So you’re washing your hands off this business?” 

“With holy water from the Ganges, yes.” 

“But neither will you hold these leaders accountable for their wrong doings?”

“Guess not.”

“And you also will continue to follow them on ParaTweet?”

“Guess so.”

“But don’t you think, just like the old times, appearing in a dream and telling people what to do might help?” 

“I stopped that after I read Freud’s ‘tell me your dreams.’

“That’s Sidney Sheldon. Freud wrote interpretation of dreams.” 

“What is your point?” Asked God narrowing his eyes

“Hold a devotee briefing, maybe? Answer questions, perhaps?” 

“Why the devil should I do that? Also I’ve heard the devil does that.” 

“But he isn’t the manager. You are.”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t smite them even when they announced DEMONetisation or Crucify All Above (CAA).” 

“I told you it’s the devil’s fault.” 

“You didn’t even raise a storm or cause a flood when the leaders pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement.” 

“Naturally, warmer temperatures suit the devil.”

“So you’re the boss but they work for him?”

“More or less” 

“And you can’t sack the devil?” 

“Of course not. If I sack him, I’ll be responsible for everything.”

“So you’re saying that there’s nothing you can do?”

“Precisely.”

“Because you haven’t appointed our leaders and they don’t work for you?”

“Correct. In fact, they’ve probably sold their soul to the devil.”

“So, should I have motioned to speak to him instead?”

“Probably, yes.” 

“So he is in-charge then? And not you? By that logic shouldn’t we pray to the devil then?”

God stood up, and widened his eyes. “Blasphemy! Sacrilège!”

“It was your idea to ask the devil.” 

“He is responsible for it. But I’m in charge.”

“That makes no sense.” 

“Also, asking me questions with such impunity and doubting my authority is blasphemy. You are a human Naxal. An Anti - Earthling. You should go to Mars.” 

“What?” 

“Supreme Cortège Judge” yelled God into the air.

With a whiff of smoke, a dandy Man landed in the room. Unfortunately he landed on the statue of a blind woman holding a balance of scales and completely upset it. 

“I beg your presidential pardon.” He said. 

The man wore a black robe and had a mallet in hand. 

God pointed at the woman and said, 

“This woman has questioned my authority and opposed the way I manage Earth.”

“I just want answers,” said the woman. 

“Well, you shouldn’t have to ask questions. I have only the Earth’s best interests in mind. Isn’t that obvious? Isn’t that a given?”

“I’m sorry. No, it’s not. Also I’m not a mind

Reader. Unless you answer questions, I won’t know your mann ki baat.” 

“Look at the way she talks to me. Imagine if she instigates more people. My sheep will stray away from their flock.” Said God.

“We’re not sheep Sir. We are people. People who have invested their time in supporting you and your cause. We’ve sang your praises, fought those who have challenged you, but you’ve let us down, time and again. Which is why, I ask again. Who really is in-charge here? If it’s the devil, I’ll ask him.” 

God raised his hands angrily in the air, “Punish her this instant.” 

The supreme cortege judge, cleared his throat, “you are hereby charged for Sacrilege and pronounced guilty under Unnecessary Accountability (Prevention) Act, Tempting and Disrespecting Act (TADA).” 

“Sentence her.” Said God.