Fish for thought

“There are plenty of fish in the sea” said God rather vaguely as we sat on the upper deck of a medium sized fishing boat. I scanned the horizon. It was nearly half past five. The sun had turned golden yellow with a dash of red. 

“He is easily embarrassed” said God pointing at the sun. 

Hearing his name called out, the Sun quickly hid behind a cloud.

“He is rather sensitive and doesn’t like being talked about” said I. 

We watched the Sun take a dive into the sea, clearly self conscious that he was the subject of conversation.

The orange hues of his evening robe continued to flap over the horizon. Soon even the last bit of orange garment was out of sight. The sky turned dull grey and eventually faded into jet black. 

“We were talking about fish” said I hoping to steer the topic into seas I was interested in. God, readily played into my hands.

“Oh yes, plenty! I wouldn’t be worried if I were you”. 

“It’s a myth” I said slowly, 

“What is?”

“This plenty of fish business!” 

“Is it now?”

“Why? Yes! The sea has sharks and killer whales. I am not interested in having my head snapped off”. 

“Oh, I didn’t think about that” said God soothingly. “Well avoid the sharks and killer whales”. 

“Easier said than done! Sharks have this irresistible bad-fish image that attracts me”.

“Have you considered blue whales?” asked God. 

“I have been with one. He drank like a fish. Besides he was indifferent and generally disinterested. He’d disappear for days. I couldn’t stand the neglect. A girl needs attention.” 

“Indeed she does, what about turtles?” 

“Turtles aren’t fish. Besides it’s hard to get them out of their shell.”

“Prawns?”

“Ew, no! Prawns are crows of the sea. They are complete scavengers.”

“They are appetising though” said God guiltily. 

“Yes” I agreed. 

“Oh! Well I’m at sea here” said God. 

We sat in silence enjoying the salty breeze and lapping waves when God interjected, 

“Sting rays?” 

“They are very scathing.” 

“Jelly fish?”

“Really? I am looking for a soul-fish. I am not looking for innovative ways to die.”

“I sea” said God and chuckled at his own joke. 

“I know I am not being very helpful here. I feel like a fish out of water” said God. I was aware that he was enjoying himself. God dived into a book he was reading. ‘Parables and Puns’ was written across the cover page. 

“There are river fish”, I said slowly. 

“A tad too bland, don’t you think?” said God gently closing his book. “I mean, they don’t have necessary punch and since you have tasted sea fish, your palette won’t settle for less.”

“True that!” I agreed. 

We both sat in contemplative silence.

“Gold fish are nice” I said finally. 

“They are not intellectually your match.”

I blushed. “You think I’m intelligent?” I asked rhetorically.

“Now don’t fish for compliments” said God with a smile. 

We looked up at the night sky and didn’t speak for a while. 

“What about Tuna, Salmon or Mackerel? They are simpletons but...” 

“They are very timid. Not my type” I said with finality. 

“You’d rather fry big fish, eh?” joked God.

“It’s not about size. It’s about character” said I, a bit hurt.

“But the bigger the better, no doubt?”

I looked away and chose not to comment. 

The sea breeze raged in the darkness. 

“I told you it’s a myth. There aren’t plenty of fish in the sea” said I sulkily. 

“Well..” began God 

“Well there are plenty of fish” I interjected “But there aren’t plenty of eligible and decent ones.” I threw my hands in the air for dramatic effect. 

“You don’t really need a fish you know” said God. 

“I don’t ?” 

“Not really no. I know plenty of people who are allergic to sea food or who detest it and they are doing quite well for themselves.”

“But isn’t it the law of nature to seek solace in the fins of a fish?” I asked. 

God looked rather perplexed by the question. 

“Er no. Who told you that?”

“Everyone says so. Surf around the Internet for a bit and you’ll see.”

“You don’t have to go fishing just because you have a boat or a net. And definitely not just because you have a can of worms. You must dive into the ocean to find yourself and in the process if you find your soulfish, then that’s fantastic and if you don’t, that’s fine too.”

I let God’s words dance around in the air before I allowed them to sink into my mind. Such profound words! Such wisdom! No wonder they call him God... 

“Dolphins” said God suddenly as he jumped up from his chair. “You need a dolphin.”

I opened my mouth to argue but shut it quickly. 

“They aren’t indifferent like whales. Nor are they aggressively vicious like sharks. They are smarter than goldfish and more sociable than turtles. They are perfect.”

God rubbed his palms together gleefully. 

“But are there plenty of dolphins in the sea?” I asked. 

“No” he said, “but there are dolphins and that’s what matters.”

“And what if these dolphins are taken?”

“Taken?” 

“By other people.” 

“You can’t just take a dolphin” said God. 

“I mean what if they are unavailable.”

“Well, dash it! Why do you care?”

“Because thou shall not covet thy neighbour’s fish.”

“Who said that?”

“You did. And you wrote it on stone for added effect.”

God bit his lip. 

“Have you considered poultry?”