Messenger of Gawdy

Has the side of your head ever been scraped by an express train? Have you been blinded by the glare of oncoming traffic? If you've answered either or both of the above questions with a no, then go at once to your nearest cinema hall and catch a show of Messenger of God (MSG) 

Unless you're a Dera Sacha Saudha follower, this movie is going to fuck your brains upside down. Sant Gurmeet ram Rahim Singh Insan, with his overgrown shoulder hair and shiny sequenced multicolored clothing, can make a royal enfield look bad. He flies in and out of situations, always landing on his feet or rather shiny bling laced kolaphuri sneakers. 

He turns swords into rose petals and  makes Innovas crash into each other in a sort of gravity defying domino effect wreckage. His swanky cars have smiley faces on the bonnet, he has invented his own game, which is a strange mix of cricket and baseball. He tells the crowd that this game is an upgrade to the forgotten geeli danda, which he further adds is India's sanskriti (kabbadi, anyone?) 

This movie is Sant Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh insan's way of justifying why he dresses like a clown and why he adopts prostitutes and makes them his daughters (yeah right), why he gets prostitutes married (education, anyone?), why he drives shimmery sports cars, why women love him (shoulder hair, anyone?). He has tried so hard to "tell the world" that he's a stylish youth icon. That he so desperately needs security because a dangerous Vin disel lookalike wants to kill him. This Vin Disel lookalike dude is another highlight. He has borrowed a Harry potter snitch (yes, you read that right) which he sets on people. This snitch contains a gas which makes its victims bleed from their nose and mouth, in other words he spreads Ebola through a snitch. He unleashes this gas on a large crowd of Gurmeet singhs followers, can you guess what Singh does? 

He makes them chant "dhan dhan guru, Tera hi aasra" continuously. Their voice vibrations overpower the gas and nullify its effect (physics, anyone?) 

Gurmeet ram Rahim Singh insan is the actor, the director, the stunt man, the lyricist, the composer, the photographer, the choreographer, the bomb defuser, "the love charger", also the actress. Ok just kidding, there's a slim wide eyed blonde who claims to be in love with Singh. He calls her beti and conveys to his followers that he is sans testosterone and libido. He makes women his daughters, these women are always crying somehow, always. 

Lastly, he tries to convey how oh-so -modest he is. His followers force him to have extra security, they insist that he should telecast his satsang shows live. They want his thoughts to reach the world. He doesn't try to make world records, oh no, they do, his followers! They want it, not him! He's a modest Godman (yeah right!) 

(Pic credits: http://www.saavn.com/s/album/hindi/MSG---The-Messenger-Of-God-2014/ys-QFl3yx9I_)