From vows to wows

I walked down the aisle, bouquet in hand and veil in tow. It was quite a task walking in pointy silver stilettos and I regretted having agreed to wear them.

 

Everyone was smiling and I could sense all eyes on me as I walked towards the Alter. He stood there with his hands pinned to his sides and his face, devoid expression. He was perhaps the only person in the chapel who wasn't looking at me. His eyes were fixed at some object in a distance. My stomach knotted, and my pace slowed down. I could feel my father tug at my arm. Imagine having cold feet while walking down the aisle. And imagine cold feet in stilettos! 

 

My shoes turned into blocks of ice and I had to drag them forward. My father may have sensed my immobility, he tugged at me. I felt like an unwilling dog being dragged for a walk.

 

It was a good thing that my face was under a veil. It covered my trepidation and masked my expression of horror. As I reached the Alter after what seemed like an eon, I let go of my father's arm.

 

I stood facing him, he had fixed his eyes on my tiara. Strange thoughts were floating through my mind. I remembered having milk that morning, and began to wonder if it had turned to yogurt, given that my stomach wouldn't stop churning.

 

The main celebrant began the nuptial service. There was a hymn followed by something else, can't recollect what. The priest said "if anyone knows of any reason why this man and this woman should not be tied together in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your silence"

 

I knew several reasons, the person standing outside the chapel at that very moment knew several reasons. But both of us held our silence.

 

The priest then turned to the groom and said "do you take" *my name* (albeit wrongly pronounced) "to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

There was a pause. A painfully long one.

"No" said he

I looked up at him and for the first time since mass began, he was looking at me

"I beg your pardon?" Said the priest

"No, I do not" said he again

The audience gasped. Several people had their hands over their mouths. My mother was crying.

My bridesmaid let go of her womanly graces and stood beside me, anger riddled her face. My brother stood up, his fists tightened. I was perhaps the only person, who wasn't surprised.

I thought about the person outside the chapel who had warned me time and again that this would happen. The person outside was the person I should have listened to, the person I should have trusted.

"I'm very sorry, I am not the man for you. You deserve better"

How often had I heard this sentence! What annoyed me most was that I always knew I deserved better, the men didn't seem to feel this when asking me out, but somehow they would stumble upon this very obvious fact much later.

"I'm sorry" he said again

I wasn't really paying any attention to him anymore. My mind was elsewhere. Outside, the chapel was someone who would not leave me, who would never give up on me, never give up on us. Outside, stood a person who knew the very depths of my soul and recognised my every expression. There, outside, was the person who loved me. And that was the very person I had disregarded.

 

I spent so many years seeking validation from the world, I wanted to be worth fighting for. I wanted to be with someone who was afraid of losing me. And gosh, all this time, the person had been right there. Outside the chapel, stood the person, I should have been making lifelong vows with.

 

My friends had left their seats. A few of them took off their jackets and rolled up their sleeves.

I tossed aside the bouquet and stepped down from my uncomfortable shoes. I turned to look at everyone. Some people looked at me with concern, others looked curious. What would be my next move?

 

Would I slap him? Would I cry? Would someone from the crowd leap up and claim to have always loved me and ask for my hand in marriage, thus saving my honour? (Or whatever shit people think) Would my friends beat the shit out of the groom? Well, that I wouldn't mind seeing, but then again, what good would that do?

 

I turned my back to him and to the Alter. I picked up the hem of my white gown and began running towards the exit. All eyes followed me. I like to believe that my mad dash to the exit happened in slow motion, it did not. I am told I ran out pretty fast.

 

Anyway as I made my way to the exit, amidst gasps and general whimpering, my mind held one thought only. I had to apologise to the person outside. I had to tell them that I was sorry for having disregarded their opinion. I was sorry to have sought love, acceptance and validation elsewhere when I should have known where to find it all along.

 

I crossed the threshold of the church and ran towards the love of my life. I ran into my own arms.

Picture credits (http://www.findmemes.com/runaway-bride-memes)